'Twas The Night Before Grovor's Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and damn, was it neat,

The kids were both gone and my wife was in heat.

The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,

It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

My wife in her teddy, and me in the nude,

Had just hit the bathroom and reached for the lube,

When out on the lawn there arose such a cry

That I lost my boner and my wife, she went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,

Tore open the shade while my wife played with herself.

The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built

Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt!

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer,

With a fat little driver half out of his sled,

A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,

And he yelled at his team, but it didn't sound right...

"Whoa, Shithead! Whoa, Asshole! Whoa, Stupid! Whoa, Putz!

Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts!!!

Look out for the lamp post and don't hit the tree.

Quit shaking the sleigh, cause I gotta pee.

They cleared the old lamp post, from the tree got a rub,

Just as Santa leaned out and threw-up on my shrub!

And then from the roof, we heard such a clatter

As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,

When down from the chimney Santa came with a crash!

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore.

He looked like a bum, and he smelled like a whore.

"That was some whore house!," he said with a smile,

"The reindeer are pooped, I think I'll stay for awhile!"

He walked to the kitchen, poured himself a drink,

Then whipped out his dick and pissed in the sink!

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,

The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee!

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,

But his toys were all gone and some new ones were packed...

The first one he found was a pair of false tits.

The next was a hand gun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,

And a six-pack of panties (the edible kind!)...

A bra without nipples, a penis extension,

And several other things I probably shouldn't mention.

(but what the hell!)

A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,

A dildo so long that it lay in a coil!

"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,

So I'll leave them with you, and then I'll just split."

He filled all our stockings and then took his leave

With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,

Thus he fell on his ass and just farted instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins to his hitch;

"Take me home Rudolph, this nights been a bitch!"

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,

"The best thing about sex is........it never wears out!!!"

Love… Up Your Ass… and Bah Humbug!