(For those of you who don't know how I ended up working
with a hand up my ass for 30 years, click
here for the tale of how I discovered Mingo. If you already know, then don't click here.
Do I have to tell you how to do everything? Asshole!)
"Let's
see... I'm pretty much the same. I
still do shows with Mingo when he calls and we still put up
with the goddamn drunks every night.
I've grown kinda fond of a hand up my ass and often lend it
out just to get a strange one up there once in a while.
I don't drink as much as I used to.
I'm down to only getting "ass-holed" (shit-faced)
3 or 4 times a week. It's
strange sitting on my pole on stage and not being able to look
over and see my "Big Boy Buddy" Tim sitting there with
me. I sing to taped
recordings now which are a hell of a lot better than that shit he
used to play!
I'm still married to the wife - the same fat-assed,
tits-hanging to her knees, ugly, fat, bitchin'-me-out-all-the-time-wife. She has a period
every week of every month. (Here's
her recent
picture - gag me!) I've
gotten real good at picking up tampons from the grocery.
I still get the wrong ones on purpose once in a while just to
piss her off!
 My
kids are both grown. My
daughter married a sheep farmer and lives in Kentucky. She had twin boys and I
can't wait to fill her in on all the shit she's headed for down
the road as they grow up. My
uncle lives with them and helps "tend" to the sheep.
My son ain't married yet, but he has a piece-of-ass in
every town he travels to (brings a tear to my eye just thinking
about it!) He plays
keyboards and sings in an "oldies revue" and
tells dirty jokes between songs. He's lost most of his hair and wears a toupee, but seems
really happy with his life.
Then
there's my goddamn brothers. My
identical-twin asshole goddamn brothers.
The one became an oral surgeon and makes more money in a
year than I'll ever see in my life time.
The other one just thinks he's an oral surgeon.
He joined President Bill Clinton's staff at the White
House and lined up all the oral patients for Bill in the Oval
Office. I don't see them
much, and that's fine with me. I
still smile when I see the ol' BB gun sitting over there in
the corner by the fireplace. The
assholes.
And sometime, I gotta tell you about my snowmobile trips to Alaska and the hot mama I met
when I was there. She couldn't keep her hands off me, and I was all
over her big... but wait, that's another story for another time. (Here's
her picture if you want to check her out!) Besides, she ain't returning my calls recently, and I heard she's
screwin' some old geezer now... Who knows? But did I have a good
time with her? You bet'cha!
Anyway,
check out Mike's "performance page"
and come see me sometime. Just don't act like an asshole while
you're there or your ass is mine!"
And click here to see more of
my official blog, where I can type any goddamn thing I
want...
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